so, a week or so ago i noticed that there were ants in my room. little black ants, harmless looking really, but ants nonetheless! ants that are just fine outside where they belong but ants which must die if they enter my apartment. i am sorry, ants, but it was wrong of you to come in here and now you must die. so i stomped on a few, but soon realized that you can't stamp ants out of existence. no, you need something bigger than a slipper-clad foot (and nice slippers they are too - only $3.99 in chinatown! i also have the $1.99 slippers, but they are not quite as good at ant stomping.) But, you see, the problem goes beyond the ants. The ants just seemed to represent an escalation in bug infestation. Because before the ants were the weird centipede things. (shudder. shudder. eeeuuugh. shudder.) I have only seen three of the weird centipede things, but I wish for no further sightings, thank you. So gross. When you see one you can't help but feel that it's crawling all over you and even when you kill it, you still imagine that its friends will crawl into your bed while you're sleeping and, like, crawl into your ears Wrath-of-Khan style. Shudder.

You can see how this was a Problem to Be Solved. So I went to Canadian Tire and did something I've never done before: I bought a can of Raid. Now, I know I'm from B.C. and there are plently of bugs out there, so one would assume that I am well-aquainted with canned pesticides. But y'know, I'm not. I've gotten rid of ants before with bay leaves and a bit of that ant bait. And spiders, well, that's what vacuums are for, right? (Do you know what happens when you crush giant west-coast spiders. It's almost worse than the live spider. Almost. Better to let them die a slow vacuum suction death.) Anyway, I never had centipedes. But if I had, you can be sure I'd be well-aquainted with Raid by now.

Now to praise Canadian Tire. Such a good store. So full of useful things. And they had about 10 different kinds of Raid. Big cans, little cans, indoor-use Raid, outdoor-use Raid, crawling insect Raid, spider Raid, flying insect Raid (which conjurs up all kinds of images of balding men running around their backyards spraying Raid in the air while chasing flying insects), ultra-super-xtra Raid for killing pretty much anything within a 10-foot radius. I stood in that aisle for a good 15 minutes, reading labels, being awed. Eventually I chose a good, middle-of-the-line Raid. Sort of a like an all-season radial tire, I suppose - good for outdoor and indoor use, all kinds of insects, won't kill the cats, etc.. I brought my can of Raid home and immediately gave the apartment a good spray, concentrating on the exterior floorboards (it's an old house...). And no more ants! And no more centipedes! And probably no more anything for at least a few weeks.

I feel slightly evil, but, well, I've already been banished to the 6th level of hell, so at this point I might as well continue in my evil ways. I might as well buy the Ultra-Raid next time...